This blog is an uncharacteristic one for me. Actually, it's downright uncomfortable for me to post it. Yet, here I am, for reasons I am completely unaware of except just a weird, sudden impulse, writing awkwardly about the mushy, weird, confusing, "you're the best thing that ever happened to me" kind of love.
(Don't worry, there are no current prospects--Haitian or otherwise--that I've been hiding from you.)
I just don't talk about this stuff a lot, especially on social media, so bear with me.
So tonight, I'm sick and exhausted and couldn't bring myself to do anything besides listen to my iPod. Until, I was listening to a song about love and it made me start thinking, and now an hour later I'm still awake, just starting to write this post reflecting those thoughts.
If you know me very well, you probably know that most of the time, I'm perfectly content with being single. In fact, I feel like I'd be okay if I never got married. Well, I know I would, because if it's not God's will for me, He will have something even more rewarding and fulfilling. Yet, on nights like tonight, I find myself clinging to the faint hope that one day God will bring that guy my way.
I've never been very big on dating. I haven't had many long or serious relationships. And especially now, I'm to the point in my life where I really don't want to date anymore. If you're anything like me, you've heard people say that before and thought, "How can you know who you want to marry if you don't date?" I feel like I understand a little better now.
I had a guy say these words to me in the past, "I want the next girl I date to be the one I marry." I was okay with that and didn't question it because he made me believe that I could be that girl. That was not the case.
Since then, and even before then (I won't give him more credit than he deserves), I have been somewhat of a skeptic about all things regarding romantic relationships. I hate that, because not only does it affect my view of men and of my own future, but it even affects how I view others' relationships, even those of my family and friends.
It's an issue and area of my life that God is still working on and I still wait and pray for complete freedom from the bitterness and doubt that are the products of past experiences.
I know that the Father gives good and perfect gifts to his children, and I am able to trust and believe that promise in almost every area of my life except the area of relationships. Whether or not He sees fit in the future to send a good gift to me in the form of a husband, I have no idea.
However, I feel assured that if that man comes my way eventually, I will know it is him because of the way that he loves me with the pure, unconditional kind of love that only comes from God. And I believe that God will use that love to change my skeptical heart into a believing one.
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